And they're - you know, maybe they ask why. The second big discovery is that other people are so much more OK with us saying no than we expected. And we have been unintentionally giving away our most valuable resource, which is our time and attention. We look at our calendar, see if there's a spot, and we put them in it. Our initial just gut response to most requests from people we know is we try to say yes. For 24 hours of no, first of all, people are discovering that almost all of us are people pleasers. And they love the exercise after they did it. I mean, what does that exercise in particular teach them?ĬHANCE: People hate this exercise when I tell them about it.ĬHANCE. MARTÍNEZ: In a course you developed at Yale, you challenge your students to say no for 24 hours. Or if someone's trying to pressure you - all these transactional sales situations where you get to buy now, special deal today only - if you just sleep on it, the deal will still be there. So the simplest thing that you can do is just table a big decision. But you can perceive your emotions, right? You can know, OK, for example, I'm in a state of agitation, stress, anger, worry, hunger, exhaustion, and you just know you're not going to be making good decisions at that time. Have them be interested and excited and curious to hear what we have to say before shifting to the judge.Ī MARTÍNEZ, BYLINE: Is there a way to toggle somehow between the two to understand and to know what you're doing when you're doing it?ĬHANCE: You can't be aware of the unconscious - right? - just by definition. So as someone trying to influence another human being, it's absolutely critical that we focus on that unconscious, emotional, habitual gator system first. And there's very little influence going the other direction. It turns into rationalization of what we already wanted a lot of the time. And our visceral responses, our emotional preferences have a lot of sway on our reasoning. The judge part, which we also all have, is the slow, conscious, rational, deliberative decision-making system that's only responsible for a tiny little shred of what we do. And the gator part is our unconscious, intuitive, emotional, habitual part of us that drives up to 95% of our decisions and behavior. ZOE CHANCE: I actually believe all of us are gators at heart. She told our co-host A Martinez what she means by those terms. The instructor behind it, Zoe Chance, has written a book called "Influence Is Your Superpower." She describes people as either having gator or judge personalities. Students at Yale University can take a class in how to increase their influence in the world.
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